Lovolution Video and Access Tucson
I had a slip up last night. It was after my Access Tucson Community TV workshop. I received a full scholarship to take their studio production workshop, so I didn’t want to miss it. I made it through the entire four hour workshop, but I started to feel very hungry. Maybe it was because one needs a lot of brain power to learn something new. But it was the worst attack of hunger I have had so far. It was the first time I learned how terrible it was to be hungry and how it affects your ability to learn.
Wayne also was at Access Tucson because he had received a half scholarship to take the field production class. When we arrived at the station they directed all the workshop participants to gather in the same room. Wayne avoided sitting in that room and remained in the hall way I guess to avoid being near me. It hurt my feelings because deep down I wanted him to be glad to see me. It’s not like you can turn off your love for someone. Dreams take a long time to fade and to grow.
I made it through the first two hours feeling ok. During the break, I very much wanted to talk with Wayne. I searched for the room for his workshop thinking that maybe his class was also on a break. I found him in the basement. His class was still meeting, but I could see him through the door.
Should I attempt to communicate with him again? After all, he can be so crazy. But I went a little crazy with him when I started fighting back. If only I could be more Buddhist and NEVER fight back, never raise my voice to him. If only when he goes off the deep end, I could train my mind to go into a peace meditation.
Maybe it is the militant pacifist in me who wants to shout back and be the peace warrior. But with Wayne, fighting back doesn’t work. What works is for me to never get angry back. Keep on doing what I am doing, calmly, and don’t react to his anger. It is his anger that he has to deal with. It only makes the situation worse when I fall into the anger cave with him.
I went outside and located his car. Looking in my pocket book for a piece of paper to write him a note and put on the windshield, I saw a bumper sticker that I picked up at St. Francis in the Foot Hills church. It said, “Love Heals” and had a graphic of an angel holding a heart on it.
I went to St. Francis last Sunday to hear the minister David Wilkinson give a sermon on Mary Magdalen. He has been doing a series of sermons on ideas in Dan Brown’s The Davinci Code. From reading the book, David has been going through a transformation. He has come to realize how sinister Christianity has been throughout history. But he said so have all the patriarchal religions including Judaism, Hinduism, Islam, and even Buddhism. How much I agree with him. But it was also true that people throughout time have needed religions. They need a sense of worship of the mysteries beyond human comprehension.
What I am learning from the fast is that I need the strength of something beyond me to keep me going. The love for the planet, for Gaia, for the possibility of what a beautiful planet we could build if we got beyond this terrible war mentality is what keeps me moving forward on the fast. When I think of how the world could be if we embraced arcology and moved to building sustainable ecocities on Earth and in Outer Space gives me the will power to move on.
David believes that we don’t need a new religion. He thinks through accepting the dark parts of ourselves that Mary Magdalen represents, the knowledge of the divine feminine that has been oppressed for thousands of years, then we can find a way to transform Christianity into a religion that has the wisdom to remake our planet with love. A metaphoric partnership between Mary Magdalen and Jesus certainly gives the religion a sense of balance; however, as I wrote about in the Gaia Religion, cocreative partnerships are not enough to bring about our planetary salvation.
Key to making sustainable lovely relationships is a new environmentally sustainable relationship with Nature. This requires a new architectural plan, building car-free cities. Christianity talks about paradise on Earth, but it never describes it. What does the architecture look like? How do they care for children? What is the government structure like? So, Christianity fails to give us a blueprint. The task of the Lovolution Village video is to answer some of these questions.
Now back to my message to Wayne. I wrote on the bumper sticker, “Do you still want to work with me on the video?” The teacher in my video class told us that the most difficult part of doing video is finding a crew. Video is a medium that it is better not to do it alone. There is so much to be concerned with, audio, visual, lighting, actors, etc. It is hard for one person to do everything. Wayne was the beginning of my crew. It was up to me to take the first step in moving beyond the fight.
Access Tucson is scheduled to close it door because the government failed to stand up for it when they renewed their contract with the cable company. If something positive doesn’t happen to reverse the contract, Access Tucson Community TV will be forced to close down Sept 2007. We need Access Tucson to make our video. We don’t have a lot of time to make it come together.
By the end of class I was starving, painfully starving. I couldn’t stand it any longer. To learn video I needed food. I ran outside hoping to meet Wayne before he drove away. His class had just gotten out and he was just getting into the car. I yelled at him to wait and when I walked up to him, I asked him how his class went. He said it went well. We had more small talk before I said I was famished and could he take me somewhere to get something to eat.
We got into his car. It was 10:30pm. The only restaurants opened were the Fast Food Junk food restaurants. I couldn’t break a fast on junk. Here I was starving for food in America and the only places to eat didn’t have real food. America was starving. Finally, we passed Wild Oats Natural Food store. We rushed inside. We went to the soup section. We picked out a can of Amy’s Butternut Squash soup. It’s a liquid soup. We went home I heated it up and drank it.
This morning I continue the fast, sent out press releases to the media about the TROOPS HOME FAST and rested for tonight’s studio production class.